Been a while

I haven't been on here for a while so I thought I would put some of my feelings and findings down.

I have not felt good for a while and I actually hurt on my left side. I went to the hospital about a month ago with "food poisoning" that didn't go away. So I thought well maybe it is my hernia that has busted so in for a CAT scan. Not that but they found a baseball size hernia. So I went to the gyn and was told that all test lead to I have to have my left ovary out. She wanted to take out my right and uterus as well but if it isn't broke leave it. I tried to be brave when I told her this but inside I was wrenching at the gut because I am not ready for medicane to tell me that I have no possible chance to have a family of my own. I know in my heart I properly won't but that is between me and GOD and I want to keep it that way for awhile.

I got my blood test results in today and they came back good so unless something shows up in surgery they should be able to take just the left one. I pray daily that this is the case and remains the case.

On top of this of all times for me to make a decision to get rid of people that brings me down in life after Sara made a decision that I couldn't deal with by leaving her husband for the guy she had an affair with which happens to be the same guy that is the father to the girl that lied on me to make me close my daycares I cut my ties. I miss talking to her but I have always had problem of picking people that was "needy" as my mom says. I know Sara has problems and lying is one of hers as well and I couldn't take or try and fix it any more so I walked away. I thought it was going to be really tough it has its times but I know it is best for me.

I have not felt well enough to go to church for a while but after reading about Amy on Perri's website I feel ashamed because I am letting this get me down. I pray every day that I can be as strong as these women some day.


AMY YOU ARE IN MY PRAYERS

Life and death

I went to Sara's today to say goodbye to JC and I realized something the doctor's and nurse's can say "go ahead and call family it doesn't look good". Why do so many people try to play God? I can't understand they said he was in a coma but when he was told that is brother was in from TN his eyes open and he made a noise. He has a rattle but his blood pressure is great, his pulse and respirations are really not all that bad.

Well, now to my point on this. The way that these medical people are are doing JC is the way they are doing me as well. They play cocktail mixes with drugs to try and find out what is going to make me a different person. I want that becuase I have lost a lot of good relationships and I would love to have them back. I want to be okay with someone just stopping by at the house I am embarrassed to have anyone at my house because I don't have the energy to even run the vacuum on a daily basis as it needs with pets in the house. I have so many things started and can't finish anything. I need to make sure that all my yardsale things are together I want to make enough money to have my by-pass surgery. I pray that nothing else comes up that I feel I have to pay it instead of doing what I want. I have to have $395.00 to get the surgery that is what is not covered by my insurance. Wow did I ever get off my point. LOL

Anyway there is only one person that knows when the time is for any of us, that can help us get better, help us move on in life and the problem is that so many of us forget that. We all need GOD in our lifes. It is hard for me to go to church every week because I just don't have the willpower to get up and do anything. I pray everyday that God sees that my disability goes through so that I can stop worrying so much about money and work on ME and my life. Finances worry me to the point I get ill when I have to face them. I want to do something with my life and I have no idea what it is hopefully some day God will smack me in the back of the head and tell me what route I should be taking. One can only pray I guess.

Taking alot of prayers

I went back to church again at the beginning of the year. I have went off and on to the point that it is more off then on. I don't like it but the way things have been that is the way it has to be. I guess God has a mission that my presence is needed at other places at this time.

I was so impressed I thought I was in the right church but the other day I was proven that this was so right. I tried the Pastor's work, then his house with no answer. The first person I thought of was Perri, I have no idea but that lady took a place in my heart from the first time I met her. I know if she is reading I want to say thank you for making me feel comfortable.

After seeing what Sara and her family are going through I have been trying to help as much as I can. Most of their family are out of town, Louisiana, Tennessee, North Carolina, you get the point. JC is the 3 child out of 13 total and he will be the third to pass away if I have the numbers correct. I was privileged enough to actual meet JC before the chemo he had that placed him in the state he is in. We would talk for hours about when he was in the Navy, the bible, facts of life, when he was growing up. He doesn't talk much at all now they have in medication that he is to get (Oxycontin spelling) every hour and something else I can't remember the name Sara and I just know when he gets it. We have noticed that since Kasey and Brad came to the house to pray with him he speaks about going home. He was told last night that his brother Dennis was coming home and of all things he told him I am only going to wait one more day. This was odd because JC has not but words together for days.

Now for the reason they are here. JC and Joann lived in Beloit Il, one of those places that if you step over the middle over in the road you are in Wisconsin (again spelling). Joann's son Mark had stolen everything that were worth anything and sold it, he talked his mom (remember she has alziemers which again I may not have mentioned it yet) to sign checks, used the debit card, received a phone in JC's name you name it. They called him for the holidays and noticed that something was wrong. Now JC and Jo have 8 kids between them It is like I want this before you get that. I don't have time to take care of them. Do you know what happened to? That is what Sara and her mom have listened to for 2 months now. They had no money, their bank accounts were over drawn, they hadn't ate in lord knows when, they were getting ready to get evicted from their home because Mark the good kid wasn't paying the bills. I think what put the icing on the cake is when JC had exrays and we found out he was recovering from fractured bones. In which when JC refused to give Mark anything else Mark used him for a tumble bag.

They are working on filing charges against Mark but you would have no idea what has to be done to prove this crap with adult protective services. Even when you prove that the care giver was not taking them to the doctor, was not giving them meds, not feeding them. Who knows the last time they had a bath because the dirt was CAKED on them. Cats running around and peeing on all their clothing. Jo is at the point that anything she gets ahold of she hides because she is afraid that someone will take it.

I know that this is long but I wanted people to know what has been going on and also to say that love and thanks go to those at Living Hope that were there in our time of need. I know we will be calling upon you again