Life

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately and you know there are a lot of things you miss in life. I will be 40 years old next Sunday and that just doesn't seem right to me at all.
1. I miss not having children of my own. There are times that I am kind of glad we don't because I wouldn't want to feel I am not giving them all they deserve but there are other times I just think "you know we didn't have everything on a silver platter so why do I feel I have to give it to my children that way"
2. I have seen so many obits lately that says no survivors. This scares me it seems so cold and lonely. What will happen to me when that time comes and I don't have any. Who will even care?
3. I miss my husband being my husband. We seem to have grown so far apart the past few years and I have no clue how to get that back
4. I miss my friends. My true friends. Then I stop and think did I ever have any? If I did what made them my true friends?
Well I guess that is enough depressing things for tonight I am sure if I think about it I can add to this but I think I am going to go to bed instead.